Untold (Alex and Cassidy Book 5) Page 15
“I suppose it did.”
“Dylan will be okay,” he told her. “He doesn’t have to look to find his family. He has his family—all of us.”
True again. Dylan knew who he was, where he came from, and Alex suspected that Dylan had garnered far more about their family than she or Cassidy had ever laid out specifically. “I just love him so much,” she said.
Jonathan smiled. He understood. “I know exactly how you feel,” he said. “I feel the same way about all of them.”
“I know you do,” Alex said.
She and Jonathan seldom discussed the biology of Alex’s children. She had approached Jonathan Krause before either had any idea of their biological connection with a request. They shared two major things: both loved Cassidy, and both had considered John Merrow their best friend. Alex had not made her request lightly. She understood that Jonathan Krause would move heaven and earth to keep Cassidy and Dylan safe. If ever she had to be absent, if anything should ever happen to her; Alex knew he would do the same for her entire family. He had been reluctant at first. Family meant everything to Cassidy. He knew that. And, Jonathan Krause had never considered a family of his own. He’d never regretted the decision. After learning that Alex was his sister, his role in helping her create a family with Cassidy had taken on new meaning. He was their uncle. They were a part of both Alex and Cassidy; something anyone who saw Connor and Abby, or who spent any time with Mackenzie would find evident immediately.
“Alex, if it matters at all, I honestly believe Dylan will be okay. He’s not only smart; he’s strong.”
“Yes, he is.”
“Talk to Jim,” he repeated his suggestion. “Now, what about this case?”
“What about it?”
“I’m not going to lie to you. I was a little surprised that you accepted Hawk’s offer.”
“So was I.”
“Why did you?”
“I don’t know,” Alex admitted. “Something about that girl—seeing her in that pile of dirt, knowing someone dumped her there—I just feel there’s something more to all of it.”
“You do know; this is not him,” Krause said.
Alex nodded. “I know it’s not Fisher. It feels…”
“Similar. I get it,” he said. “Any leads?”
“Not a one. The fact that some kids tripped over this latest victim is the best I’ve got.”
“You want me to dig deeper about O’Brien,” Jonathan guessed.
“Pip…”
“I’ll see what I can find, Alex. There might not be anything to find. Maybe it’s time I visit some of our old friends.”
“Which old friends might those be?”
“Well, you know since Dmitri and the admiral have been gone, Viktor has been markedly quiet.”
“You want to go to Moscow?”
“Been a while since I’ve visited,” he smirked.
“Eleana will love that.”
“She’ll understand,” Jonathan put the thought to rest. “She knows the drill. Besides, it’s family. Put your mind at ease about Dylan, Alex. If you are that concerned, I promise; I will get to the bottom of it. How about dinner before you head home?”
“Actually, I need to hit the field office here. I was hoping you wouldn’t mind if I spent the night.”
Jonathan gauged his sister’s demeanor thoughtfully. He took a deep breath and released it slowly. “I still haven’t touched a thing in his old office,” he told her.
Alex nodded. Jonathan had always been able to read her as if she were an open book. She wasn’t sure what was compelling her to go back to her roots. It wasn’t only agreeing to sign back on at the FBI; Alex felt drawn to the ghosts of the past. She’d thought she had put her questions to rest. Somehow, the questions she had about her father, about Cassidy’s father—about Claire and Eleana’s parents had begun to press in on her with a new weight. Whether that was the result of the investigation she found herself in, Dylan’s plan for the future, Cassidy’s pregnancy or some combination of things, Alex wasn’t sure. She had come to believe that few things in life amounted to coincidence. Maybe there would come a time when she could allow the past to lie in its grave. That time wasn’t now. She was certain of that much.
“Alex,” Jonathan called for her attention. “You have been through that office a million times—so, have I. I don’t know what you expect to find.”
Alex smiled. The truth suddenly hit her. Maybe I just hope he’ll walk in.
CHAPTER NINE
“Alex?”
“Hey, Dylan,” Alex greeted her son over the phone. “I just wanted to see how your visit was going.”
“Great!”
Alex tried not to laugh at Dylan’s exuberance. “That’s good.”
“We’ve seen everything,” he beamed through the phone.
“Well, if anyone can get you a behind the scenes look, it’s Jane.”
“Yeah. Steph and Jeremy are having lunch with us tomorrow before we fly back,” he told Alex.
“That’s an unexpected bonus,” she said. Dylan’s older half-sisters both adored him. Stephanie was the eldest. She and Dylan had developed a close bond, and Alex was grateful for that. In many ways, it reminded Alex of her and Jonathan. She would have missed a great deal had she not found Krause. She would never want Dylan to miss out on time with his siblings—any of them.
“Yeah. They’re bringing the kids,” he said.
“Aw, you get to play uncle. Missing the brood at home?” she teased her son.
“Maybe a little,” he admitted. “But, I won’t lie. I’m glad I will miss most of the diaper duty this time around.”
Alex laughed. “The real reason you chose the academy.”
“Maybe.”
“I don’t want to keep you,” Alex said. “I just wanted to see how things were.”
“Alex?”
“Yeah?”
“I love it here.”
Alex closed her eyes. “I know you do, Speed. They’ll be lucky to have you.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Dylan almost whispered.
Alex started to choke up and cleared her throat. “Just the truth,” she said. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay. Hey… Alex?”
“Yeah?” Alex asked.
“Thanks again.”
“Say hi to Steph for me. I’ll see you.”
“Who was that?” Jane asked Dylan.
“Alex.”
“Checking up on you already?” Jane joked.
“Probably,” he laughed.
“She just loves you.”
“I know. I can’t help but feel there is something she and Mom aren’t telling me.”
Jane patted his arm. “Dylan, be glad that there are things your parents want to protect you from.”
“I am. I’m just curious. They tell me everything.”
“No,” Jane shook her head. “Not everything, Dylan. And, trust me; you should thank them for that.”
“You know what it is.”
“I know a lot of things. One of them is that sometimes it’s better not to know everything. You know how people say that the truth will set you free? That the truth can’t hurt you?”
“Yeah?”
“Both lies. The truth can bind you up and break your heart.”
“So, it’s better to lie?”
“No, but sometimes it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie, better than getting bit on the ass.”
Dylan chuckled. “I think, I get it.”
“Trust your parents,” Jane said.
“I do.”
“Then trust me when I tell you, if there is anything at any time they think you need to know—something to keep you safe, to help you grow, or to ease your mind—they will tell you.” Jane grasped Dylan’s shoulder lightly and left the room.
Dylan looked at the phone in his hand. I do trust you. I just wonder how many secrets there are.
***
“Claire, talk to me,” Hawk implored her lover.
“You don’t wa
nt me to talk to you,” Claire said. “You want me to say what you want to hear.”
“What is it that I want to hear?”
“We both know you want me to say I’m ready.”
“Ready for us, you mean?”
Claire huffed. “Damnit, Hawk! Why is this so important to you?”
“Maybe because I love you.”
“You need to be married to love me or do you need that to believe that I love you?”
“Do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Do you love me?”
“Jesus, Hawk,” Claire shook her head.
“You didn’t answer me.”
“Because you already know the answer.”
“How can I know the answer when you won’t even say the words?” Hawk asked.
“People say words all the time,” Claire replied. “That doesn’t give them any meaning.”
“So, you just don’t bother to say them at all; is that it?”
“Would you believe me if I said them? Would that change anything between us?” Claire challenged her lover.
“I don’t know. If you can’t; that might just change everything,” Hawk said.
“Is that an ultimatum?”
“No. It’s the truth.”
Claire chuckled.
“That’s funny?” Hawk asked.
“No, what’s funny is that you think it’s not an ultimatum. I tell you what you want to hear or you’re gone; is that right?”
“Tell me the truth.”
Claire shook her head.
“She’s not coming back,” Hawk said. Claire snapped to attention. “She’s got a life with Jonathan.”
“You think this is about El?”
“Isn’t it?”
Claire shook her head again. “You are unbelievable.”
“What do you expect me to think? You still love her. We both know that.”
Claire walked to the window in the hotel room and looked out, considering how to reply. In the past, she would have either walked out or thrown down an argument. She was tired of avoiding the subject. She did love Eleana. She’d loved Eleana her entire life. A person didn’t simply fall out of love. But, Claire had made her peace with Eleana’s decision, with her marriage and life. And, Claire did love Hawk. The idea of marriage, however, terrified her. Any time Claire dared think about it, her chest would constrict as if someone were strangling her. That is what she feared most, being held down against her will.
“I do love her,” Claire said. She took a deep breath. “What I can’t understand is why you think that means I don’t love you.”
“Maybe because you’ve never said it,” Hawk replied.
“I just did.”
“No, you didn’t.”
Claire’s frustration was growing. “I told you, words are just words.”
“Not always.”
“Why do you want to marry me?” Claire shifted the dialogue.
“Why? Because I love you.”
“Okay, but will it make you love me less if we aren’t married?”
“That’s not the point.”
“What is the point?” Claire asked.
“You are impossible!”
Claire softened her tone. She crossed the room and stepped in front of her lover. “I’m not trying to be difficult,” she said. “I know you think that. I’m not.”
“What do you want, Claire?”
Claire smiled. “I want to love you,” she answered, her fingertip tracing a line from Hawk’s throat to the swell of her breasts.
Hawk caught Claire’s hand before it could descend any lower. “Stop. I mean it. What do you want?”
“I just told you.”
“You want to love me? You want to fuck me; is that it?” Hawk’s voice raised. She tore open her blouse. “Is that what love is to you?”
Claire pulled Hawk into her arms and held her close. Hawk struggled and then began to cry. “Stop,” Claire whispered in Hawk’s ear. “Stop,” she said, kissing Hawk’s head. “I do love you,” Claire let the words out. “I don’t understand how you can question that,” she said sincerely. “I’ve never been faithful to anyone but you,” Claire said.
Hawk pulled back and looked into Claire’s eyes. “But?”
“What you’re asking…”
“I’m asking you to share your life with me.”
“I thought we were already doing that.”
“Claire…”
Claire sighed. “I can’t marry you, Hawk.”
“Why?”
“Why can’t we just leave things as they are?”
“Because I want all of you.”
Claire kissed Hawk gently. “I’m not someone you want to marry, Hawk. I’m not Alex.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means just what I said. I don’t want to come home at six o’clock every night to a house of screaming kids.”
“Who said anything about kids?” Hawk asked. “Wait a minute. Do you think I’m asking you because I want kids?”
“To tell you the truth, I’m still not clear on why this is so important to you.”
“What’s to be clear on?”
“Do you—want kids?” Claire asked.
“No. Lots of people get married without ever having kids.”
“Lots of people aren’t us,” Claire said. “They’re not me.”
“What are you so afraid of?” Hawk asked.
“I can’t,” Claire said. “Even if part of me wants to.”
“You keep running from everyone and you are bound to get what you want in the end,” Hawk said.
“What’s that?”
Hawk stepped away. “You’ll end up alone.”
Claire nodded and grabbed her jacket. “Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be,” she said.
“Claire?”
Claire put her hand on the door. “I know you don’t believe me. I do love you, Hawk. If I didn’t, I might have just said yes.”
Hawk watched as Claire stepped through the door and closed it. She collapsed onto the bed and put her face in her hands. “What aren’t you telling me, Claire?”
***
Alex sat at a large table at the FBI field office sifting through photos, reports, and occasionally searching on her laptop. “What is your game?” she muttered.
“Looking for Professor Plum?” a voice chimed from behind. “He’s in the dining room with the candlestick,” Claire offered.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were with Hawk.”
“I thought you were with Jonathan.”
“I was,” Alex replied. She passed Claire a file.
“Find anything?”
“Not yet,” Alex replied. She handed Claire a file folder.
“What am I looking at?”
“Missing person reports for the last sixty days from New York to Connecticut.”
Claire moved to sit beside Alex and looked over her shoulder. “And, you’re looking at dirt.”
“I can’t help but think we are missing something out there. I just wish I knew where to look next.”
“Yeah, I had that thought too.”
“Really?”
“Am I speaking another language tonight? Seems like no matter what I say, no one understands me.”
“Things didn’t go so well with Hawk; I take it.”
Claire shrugged. She sat down at the table and started looking at the pages Alex had printed out. “Why can’t you scroll on the computer like a normal person?” Claire rolled her eyes. “You’re old, not ancient.”
“I process it faster on paper.”
“Uh-huh. You mean you are less likely to get a headache,” Claire guessed.
Alex’s head snapped to attention.
“What? I’ve seen you at home with the kids. Hell, you get a headache when you play a video game for too long.”
“It’s the light.”
“Right.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Alex
asked.
“Nothing.”
“No, it meant something,” she said as she gently massaged her right temple with her thumb.
Claire shrugged. “Maybe you should think about some glasses.”
“I don’t need glasses.”
“Hey, it happens as you age.”
Alex glared at Claire.
Claire held up her hands defensively. “Just looking out for you.”
“Thanks. I’m good. How about you look through what I handed you?”
Claire began studying the files that Alex had handed her. “You know that the victim could be from anywhere?” she commented absently.
“She could, but I doubt she is,” Alex countered. “Kaylee went missing in Connecticut and turned up in New York. Let’s just say, I am betting whoever those boys found out there in the woods was traveling somewhere along that path.”
Claire’s eyes zeroed in on the papers in front of her. “Alex.”
“Huh?”
“Look.”
Claire passed Alex the paper in her hand. Alex stared at it blankly. Strange how putting a name with a face could make a person feel numb in one second and violently ill the next. Alex pinched the bridge of her nose. “Damnit.” She committed the page to memory. Deidre Slocum. Alex sighed. “Jesus, twenty-two.”
Claire grabbed the laptop from the table and pulled it to her.
“What are you doing?”
“Checking out Deidre Slocum’s Facebook page.”
Claire sat at the keyboard typing.
“Claire?”
“Alex, if you wanted to find out where Dylan was headed what would you do?”
“I’d call him.”
Claire laughed. “Okay, suppose it was Mackenzie at seventeen or twenty-two. Think she’d take your call at any time?” Claire asked. Alex groaned. “Uh-huh. So, let’s see…”
Alex moved to stand over Claire’s shoulder. “Wait,” Alex stopped Claire’s scrolling. “Go back.” Claire complied. “Stop,” Alex said.
Looking forward to backpacking my way to Jamie’s! New adventures!
“Who is Jamie?” Alex mused.
Claire was already engaged in a search. “Jamie Matson,” Claire said. “Portland, Maine. Looks like they were college roommates,” she explained.
“See if you can get a number for Ms. Matson,” Alex said.
“What are you going to do?”